The day I had my stroke
I was 44, fit, active and had never really been ill. One evening in January 2018 I finished a HIIT class feeling energised. Around three hours later, sitting on the sofa at home, I suddenly lost my speech.
Stroke wasn't on my radar
Before January 2018, I had never really been ill in my life.
I was active, exercised regularly and considered myself fit and healthy. Stroke wasn't something I expected to happen to me in my forties.
But only a few weeks before my own stroke, I'd had a conversation at a New Year's Eve party that would come back to me very clearly that night.
I had been talking to a female friend, a few years younger than me, who had previously suffered a stroke herself.
Like me, she was fit and active. Most importantly, she had recovered well and was doing OK.
At the time it was simply a conversation with a friend. I had no idea how significant that conversation was about to become.
I went to a HIIT class
That evening I did an hour-long HIIT class.
I felt fine during it and came away feeling energised.
There was one thing I noticed afterwards. I looked unusually pale and clammy.
But I didn't feel ill. There was certainly nothing that made me think that in only a few hours I'd be in an ambulance on my way to hospital.
I went home and carried on with my evening as normal.
Then I couldn't speak
About three hours later, I was sitting on the sofa with my wife before going to bed.
Suddenly, I couldn't speak.
There was no pain. I hadn't collapsed. It wasn't the sort of dramatic physical emergency I might previously have imagined a stroke to be.
My face had dropped slightly, but the overwhelming thing I remember was simply being unable to get the words out.
I knew I wanted to speak. I just couldn't do it.
My wife called 999
My wife immediately realised that something was seriously wrong and called 999.
During her conversation with the emergency call handler, stroke was mentioned.
That's when it clicked with me too.
I realised I could actually be having a stroke.
And then I remembered the conversation I'd had at that New Year's Eve party only a few weeks earlier.
My friend was younger than me, fit and active, and she had suffered a stroke. But she had also recovered well.
I was frightened, but I had recently spoken face-to-face with somebody younger than me who had experienced a stroke and was now doing well. I think remembering her helped me remain relatively calm.
Blue lights to the Hallamshire
An ambulance arrived and I was taken under blue lights to the Royal Hallamshire Hospital in Sheffield.
I remember feeling panicky in the ambulance, but strangely I wasn't as panicked as I'd always imagined I would be if something genuinely serious happened to me.
Knowing my friend's story was in the back of my mind.
A few hours earlier I'd been exercising and feeling good. Now I couldn't speak and was being rushed to hospital with a suspected stroke.
Suddenly there were medical staff everywhere
I remember being wheeled into the Royal Hallamshire and suddenly having lots of medical staff around me.
Things moved quickly.
I was examined and underwent tests and scans as the medical team tried to establish exactly what had happened.
These included CT and MRI imaging, ECG testing and other investigations.
I was in the middle of all this activity, aware of what was happening around me but still unable to communicate normally.
The strange things you remember
It's strange what stays in your memory from a night like that.
There were medical staff, scans, hospital equipment and all the uncertainty of a suspected stroke.
Yet one of the things I still remember clearly is seeing a delivery driver arrive with pizza for the nurses.
Everything in my world had suddenly changed, while normal life was still carrying on around me.
My first night on the ward
I was admitted to a ward and spent the night there without my wife.
I was sharing it with three much older men. At 44, that reinforced the feeling that I wasn't the sort of person I'd previously imagined being on a stroke ward.
One of the men was very confused. At one point he was trying to find his dog underneath my bed.
There obviously wasn't a dog there. I don't know whether he had dementia, was affected by medication or was confused for another reason.
But it's another little detail from that night that I've never forgotten.
I spent the night testing my own speech
I remember lying on the ward looking around the room at different objects and trying to say their names out loud.
I'd look at something, know exactly what it was and try to make myself say the word.
Then I'd try another object.
I kept doing it through the night.
Looking back, it was almost as though I was repeatedly testing my own brain to see whether my speech was coming back.
Eating and drinking had to be checked too
My face had dropped slightly, something that became more noticeable when I tried to eat and drink.
I was given food and drink and initially assumed I was simply being given something to eat.
I remember dribbling slightly when I tried.
The hospital staff were checking that I could swallow safely.
It was another strange aspect of suddenly becoming a patient.
Things I'd done without thinking about them for my entire life were suddenly things that needed to be checked.
Then the tea lady pulled back my curtain
I'd spent much of the night trying to say the names of objects around the ward.
The following morning, the lady serving breakfast and drinks came around.
She pulled back the curtain around my bed and spoke to me.
I answered her.
And that was the moment I realised I could talk again.
After spending the night trying to force words out, it was an incredibly ordinary interaction that made me realise my speech had returned.
The stroke was confirmed
The investigations confirmed that I had suffered a stroke.
By that point, the diagnosis wasn't really a surprise.
Stroke had already been mentioned during the 999 call and, after everything that had happened, I suspected that was what the doctors were going to tell me.
The bigger question was why.
I exercised, considered myself fit and looked after myself. Having a stroke at 44 didn't fit the picture I'd previously had of my own health.
Two nights later, I was going home
I spent two nights in hospital.
My speech had returned and I was fortunate that many of the immediate effects had improved quickly enough for me to leave hospital.
But walking out of the Hallamshire wasn't the end of the story.
My driving licence was temporarily taken away. I was off work. Exercise was put on hold. And during that first week I experienced a level of fatigue that was completely new to me.
I'd survived the stroke and made it home.
Now I wanted to know why it had happened.
That night in a few hours
HIIT class
I trained for around an hour and felt energised afterwards, although I noticed that I looked pale and clammy.
I lost my speech
Sitting on the sofa before bed, I suddenly became unable to speak. My face had also dropped slightly.
My wife called 999
Stroke was mentioned during the emergency call. I remembered the conversation with my friend and her successful recovery.
Blue lights to hospital
I was taken to the Royal Hallamshire Hospital for emergency assessment, scans and tests.
Trying to find my words
I lay on the ward looking at objects and repeatedly trying to say their names.
The tea lady opened my curtain
She spoke to me. I answered her. That was the moment I realised I could talk again.
Stroke confirmed
The investigations confirmed what I had already begun to suspect.
Looking back at that night
One of the things that still strikes me is how little pain or physical drama I experienced when my stroke happened.
There was some facial drooping, but for me the unmistakable symptom was the sudden loss of speech.
I was fortunate that my wife recognised immediately that something was seriously wrong and called 999.
I was also fortunate that, only a few weeks earlier, I'd spoken to a younger, fit stroke survivor who had recovered well.
At one of the most frightening moments of my life, remembering that conversation gave me some reassurance that a stroke didn't necessarily mean the outcome I might previously have imagined.
This was my experience, though. Every stroke is different.
If you think you or somebody else may be having a stroke, call 999 immediately. Don't wait for pain and don't use my experience to decide whether somebody's symptoms are serious enough.
Leaving hospital was only the beginning
I had my speech back and I was going home after only two nights. But I couldn't drive, I couldn't exercise yet and I still had no explanation for why a fit 44-year-old had suffered a stroke.
The next part of my journey was about getting back to everyday life, learning to trust my body again and beginning the search for an answer.
BACK TO MY STROKE JOURNEY